Several weeks ago I decided that I needed help because I was struggling with depression. My husband's insurance allows for 8 free counseling sessions per year and hoping to avoid needing antidepressants, I took this route.
The counselor I was directed to has been a God send. She has a sense of humor, knowledge, wisdom and experience. After mentioning spiritual aspects of my life to her, she briefly mentioned that she strongly believes that humans have spiritual needs and that she had grown up a daughter of a minister, too.
I've been feeling much better since my work season ended and questioned the value of continuing with the sessions. I decided to continue going until I was positive that I had gotten what I needed.
At the start of our last session, she began to show me some tips on time management and decreasing stress when our conversation took a sharp U-turn.
I mentioned that I avoid things; making phone calls, trying something new, group settings, and although not a current issue, paying bills.
She made me pin point my top item and I quickly said, making phone calls. I love texting but there are times when conversations totally drain me and so, I avoid them.
I guess this is not a healthy habit because we talked about it for a long time.
She left me with two goals.
Stop isolating myself and find a way to spend regular time with a friend or friends without distractions.
As in, no children.
Work on being assertive in my communication.
I have value, good ideas, and something to contribute.
Communicating my dreams, wants and needs is not a burden to others.
I'm going to perfectly honest. I am very uncomfortable with these goals. They make sense and I would totally recommend others do these things... but myself? That is going to be hard.
I left, unsure of how I felt.
Then some random things happened, making me feel like God is encouraging me to pursue healing in this area.
As I write this blog post, I question my sanity. I should deal with my depression and issues behind closed doors. I should not air my dirty laundry on the internet. I should put a smile on my face and pretend that I am all put together.
Yet, maybe. Just maybe, there is someone out there who needs to know that they're not alone. Someone who needs to know that there is nothing wrong with you if you need help. That it is not a disconnect from God.
It can be a source of healing, a time where you grow closer to Him and a season when you become a stronger person.
1 comment:
You can call me anytime and I encourage you the best that I can of course. I never felt you to be so uncomfortable with me so maybe you are a very good actress way inside you xxox One day at a time, one phone call, one lunch. I know you can do this and yes I have my dark moment of not wanting to disturb anyone too :)
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