Friday, March 4, 2016

Clarity, and God's Timing

I was driving home from a meeting today.  Three kids in the back seat, music on the radio, the sun shining through the windows, and I just realized that this clarity I've been feeling could only come from God.

It was like God had been at the meeting with me.  The meeting wasn't in a church, or some coffee house.  It was in the office of a government run organization.

We didn't talk about God.  We didn't talk about anything spiritual, or religious.  We just talked about us partnering together on the music class I teach.

The children were in the room with us.  Two sat on the floor drawing, and the older one sat in the chair next to me reading, and listening to the conversation.

I couldn't have asked for a better meeting because I would have felt selfish and unrealistic for such things, but it was like God was just there.  With me.  

So, why would He give me clarity now?
Hadn't I needed it before?
Wouldn't things be better if He had shown me these things sooner?

So many things could have been prevented if I had just understood but...

I wasn't ready.

I just wasn't ready.

I've been asking for what seems like a long time.  Hopefully, a person would ask because they were ready, but I'm reminded that this isn't always the case.  My children ask me questions all the time and their young brains aren't ready for the answers.

The path I'm on has led me to this place. The good, the bad, the loss, the love, the pain, and the joy.

Like a young child, I have been asking.  I have pleaded with You, argued with You, and tried to negotiate with you. 
I thank You for waiting until I was ready to see.  To understand.  To respond.
  Thank You for Your patience, and Your timing in things as I continue to search and to ask.

Thank you for Your love in ALL things.



Thursday, March 3, 2016

Beyond Motherhood: How I am learning to take care of myself, and how it has changed our lives.

Parenting is hard.  Putting someone else's needs before your own.  Changing our world completely to help them know that they are loved.  Changing ourselves so they never, ever doubt our devotion.

When you have toothpicks holding your eyes open because the baby was up every hour.

When your toddler needs help with their food, and your own plate of food gets cold.

When you haven't showered, or gotten dressed, or changed pajamas, because all the little voices keep needing more, and more, and more, and you simply have no energy left.

Their needs, because it's all about them.

But should it be?

As a mom, I feel like I totally have their basic needs covered.  You know, like the food, shelter, safety, clothing, love, and education stuff.  We even get to add the extras; sports, vacations, trips to the bakery, toys to play with, scheduled play dates, nature walks, field trips, books to read, tea time, attending church, sleep overs...  My children are thriving.

I love them so much (and for the most part, I just love to be around them).

Yet, when did it become a requirement that in order to be a good mom, you had to put all of your own needs aside, and focus solely on them?

I'm talking about the giving up who you are as an individual, as a Child of God, as a creative, artistic, and passionate person, to focus solely on them?

Now, I don't know what stage of parenting you are in.  It's going to look different for each of us.  Plus, I believe that motherhood is one of the most important ministries that God calls us to.

I'm not talking about neglecting your children, or treating them like they are not loved, or not cared for, or not important to you.

What I'm thinking about-

What I want you to think about is- 

Where is the line between need and want?

If we have a better balance between these two things, would we have more time to do things that interest us?  To develop our own selves?  

As a mom, am I done with all things that are not related to motherhood?

Join me as I explain how I stopped doing everything my children wanted, took a lot of self-imposed pressure off myself, found out that I am a person outside of just being a mom, and how my whole family has benefitted from me taking care of me.