Monday, November 30, 2015

Don't Let Fear Stand in Your Way

The The edge of my comfort zone is a scary place.  Putting myself in a place were rejection is possible makes me want to run and hide.

I was talking with our two sons about a singing engagement I had agreed to do.  It's simple enough to get with a group of children to sing, play, dance, and learn, but there would be parents and other educators there.  That's what made me nervous.

I told the boys what I was having a hard time with, and Matthew looked shocked.  "But, mom!  You are the most mature person I know."

I guess being mature is a big deal for a nine year old.

I did the event.  Smiled and greeted everyone.  Sang my heart out, and engaged children, parents and teachers alike.

Then I came home and told my family about the moment I stood outside the building and thought about backing out. 

How I chose to walk inside. 

How friendly everyone was.

That I made some new friends. 
 
I told them about my (dramatic) chewing of the imaginary bubble gum and how it had the parents more amused than the children.


This is what I want my children to see and to understand.

Being an adult doesn't mean you stop being afraid.

Growing up doesn't make everything come easy.

You will have to work hard for your dreams and goals.

We must choose to not let fear stand in our way.


A clip from a class I did last night with an Early Head Start Group, their siblings, parents, and teachers.

https://youtu.be/cQI2dAmesjk


Sunday, November 22, 2015

A Simple Question

"How are you?"  It's a simple question.  Sometimes I am the one asking.  Other times it is asked of me.

I attempt to make eye contact, turn my body towards the person.  As a highly distractable person, it's not always  simple.  Especially while I try to keep track of our two children.  As a mother whose business is mainly based from the home, who manages the daily running of the family, and who does the majority of the homeschooling, I am rarely ever alone.  Distracted is putting it mildly.



The response to the question is brief. 

Fine, good, well, tired, busy, can't complain, etc.

 Most of the time the other person asks as they are walking by.  Walking away.  

What connection there could have been is lost.

And so it goes...

The polite, well meaning, brief interactions that can leave a lonely person to feel even more isolated.

I see the problem.  At times, I am part of the problem.

We should ask a question when we care enough to take the time to listen and we should answer the question with more authenticity.  

Give the gift of acknowledging the person as important.

Give the gift of reaching out and sharing yourself with someone who may need to hear what you have to say.

Be real.  Slow down.  Connect.


Thursday, November 19, 2015

Fearless

She was beautiful, funny, talented, and obviously comfortable with who she was as a person.  Accomplished.

I have been pushing myself lately.  Making choices and pushing myself outside of my comfort zone.  Put on a smile, and pretend you not only know what you're doing, but that you have complete confidence in yourself.

Fake it 'til you make it.

I sat there, studying her, and felt insignificant. There were voices in the back of my mind that reminded me not to compare myself.  They whispered words of encouragement about the unique journey I was on.

But the other voices were louder.  I couldn't sing like that.  My voice was not strong.  Dreams I have had since I was young were locked in a box that was covered with layers of dust.  I could never make it because I wasn't pretty enough.  It wasn't enough.  I wasn't enough.

Hours later, I read these words in the book "Hands Free Life" by Rachel Macy Stafford. 

"And that's when I leaned forward and lowered my voice to almost a whisper.  "Maybe you don't make it to The Voice.  Maybe you don't make the pros or land a book deal.  That doesn't mean you didn't succeed.  Maybe sharing your journey, your dream, or what excites your heart is the achievement.  Maybe inspiring someone else to see his or her life differently is the success."

Page 182 and 183

When I first committed to moving towards being "Hands Free," I thought it would be for my children.

I didn't understand that I needed it, too.



It's easy to get caught up in a culture where being famous is idolized.  We forget that the people in our home and in our community can be deeply impacted by how we choose to live our lives.

Find your gift, your purpose, your passion, and live it without fear.


Friday, November 13, 2015

Steps

It was only his third basketball practice.  

It was only my third time taking someone to basketball practice.  

It was a forgetful moment that could damage or strengthen our relationship.

We finished the twenty minute drive to practice when he realized he didn't have his basketball shoes.

"But, I asked you if you had them.  You said you did."

A frantic search in the minivan confirmed that the shoes were not there.

I took a deep breath as the words formed inside my mind.  The lecture I could give my nine year old son on being responsible, how much time and money we were using up to support his desire to play, why this could never, ever happen again.  I exhaled and decided that I would focus on our relationship and work with him to learn responsibility.

I would choose to not behave like a superior.  Dictating, lecturing, shaming, and guilting.

I would be his mentor.  Guiding, explaining, giving him tools, and creating habits that empower him.

Not above him.

With him.

He had to tell his coach and find out what he should do.  He took two steps toward him and turned around to look at me.  His face was pale.  "I can't tell him."

"You can tell him.  You just made a mistake and we don't know if you should stay, or go home, or what."

So, he did. He walked over and told his coach, who was kind enough to tell him to stay.  They would figure out how to let him get some practice in.

My son took steps that day that were more than just the movement of his feet.  They were the movements of him growing up to be a brave and responsible man.

Living hands free helped crystallize that moment in time.

A beautiful gift.

"Maybe second chances are not given to us but instead are something we offer to ourselves by using new words and actions.  And maybe the undesirable traits that were passed on to us and passed on to our children don't have to stick like permanent tattoos.  Maybe they can be birthmarks instead- beautiful reminders that we don't have to live perfectly, but rather with small, positive steps and daily doses of God's grace."

Page 92 of "Hands Free Life" by 
Rachel Macy Stafford










Friday, November 6, 2015

Can I live a "Hands Free Life?"

If you had asked me while I was working outside of the home what I would do if I had more time, I would have said "Exercise, play with my children more, be more patient, enjoy living life, and read."  

It's been two years since I left my job.  My youngest was about to turn three, my oldest was seven, and my husband and I were in the process of purchasing a house.

Fast forward to now...
Where has life taken me?  Am I being as intentional as I could be?  Can I do better?  Feel more at peace?  Live with the purpose intended for me?

My brain automatically goes to the negative.  I'm not doing enough.  I can try harder.  I can be better.  It's up to me to make my family, my life and the positive impact I leave behind better.

I stop.  

Of course, it could be better, but it could also be worse.

I have seen changes.  

I'm learning to pray before I make a decision.

My husband doesn't need me to tell him what to do, or how to feel.  He just needs me to listen and be his biggest fan.

Our children don't need a hassled, rushed, frustrated mommy.  They need for me to be able to just sit with them, enjoying their company.

The house doesn't need to look perfect.  Since there are not any magazine editors contacting me for a photo shoot of our home, there really is no pressure.

There is no pressure.

In the book, "Hands Free Life" by Rachel Macy Stafford, she describes her journey towards living life instead of simply managing it.

I'm going to do it.  

I'm going to let go and travel towards living hands free.  



It's a beautiful world and I am thankful that I have a beautiful life to live.