Can I live a "Hands Free Life?"

If you had asked me while I was working outside of the home what I would do if I had more time, I would have said "Exercise, play with my children more, be more patient, enjoy living life, and read."  

It's been two years since I left my job.  My youngest was about to turn three, my oldest was seven, and my husband and I were in the process of purchasing a house.

Fast forward to now...

Where has life taken me?  Am I being as intentional as I could be?  Can I do better?  Feel more at peace?  Live with the purpose intended for me?

My brain automatically goes to the negative.  I'm not doing enough.  I can try harder.  I can be better.  It's up to me to make my family, my life and the positive impact I leave behind better.

I stop.  

Of course, it could be better, but it could also be worse.

I have seen changes.  

I'm learning to pray before I make a decision.

My husband doesn't need me to tell him what to do, or how to feel.  He just needs me to listen and be his biggest fan.

Our children don't need a hassled, rushed, frustrated mommy.  They need for me to be able to just sit with them, enjoying their company.

The house doesn't need to look perfect.  Since there are not any magazine editors contacting me for a photo shoot of our home, there really is no pressure.

There is no pressure.

In the book, "Hands Free Life" by Rachel Macy Stafford, she describes her journey towards living life instead of simply managing it.

I'm going to do it.  

I'm going to let go and travel towards living hands free.  

It's a beautiful world and I am thankful that I have a beautiful life to live.

  

The Produce Section

I was standing by the frozen foods section at one of the larger chain grocery stores.  Our cart had filled up quickly with the things we needed and I was almost done.  I hadn't been very organized lately, I didn't have a list or even a good plan.  That's why I was there on one of the busiest shopping days.  Me and about a thousand other shoppers.  

So many things were going on around me.  My husband had gone to the other side of the store with our eight year old son to pick up prescriptions.  I was trying to figure out what was on sale, how I could prepare enough meals that week with the items in my cart and keeping a close watch on our almost four year (who likes to wander off).  There was a couple standing next to me verbally checking off their list, others pushing full carts past, and children screaming throughout the store.

"This is crazy!"  I thought.  "We're all here, spending tons of money and we'll just have to turn around to do it again."

I reminded myself...

I was in the store spending money, too.

We have to eat and for a busy, somewhat scattered mom, it was where I was.

Yet, it is not where I want to be.

I don't want to be one of the crowd.  

Doing what most people in our culture do.

How can I change?

Is it even possible to change?

Would one person changing even make a difference?

Then, I felt very insignificant, overwhelmed and close to having a panic attack.  Right there with the frozen dinners on one side and the frozen meats on the other.

So, I did what I do best.  I shoved all those thoughts to the back of my brain, grabbed the frozen french fries and my son and went to the produce section.

I'm Sorry My House Is Clean

Or maybe I should apologize if my house is messy.  I'm not sure which it is anymore.
It's confusing when I try to measure myself up to the ever changing standards I see, hear, or read.

What kind of person am I?
What kind of person would you think I am?

What if my house is messy?
What if my house is clean?

What if I take my children to the park instead of staying home to clean?
What if I wash dishes while my children play... without me?

What if I home school my children?
What if I send them to school?

What if I'm single?
What if I'm married?

What if I fully engage in every activity my children participate in?
What if I am on my phone while my children are with me?

What if I buy only organic and make all our meals from scratch?
What if I only eat processed food and frequently eat at McDonalds?

What if I live in a brand new home with all things shiny and new?
What if I live in a subsidized apartment filled with second hand items?

What if I work?
What if I'm a stay-at-home parent?




 I've included many of the areas where I have judged myself, found myself judging people or heard judgement and felt judgement from others.



It's time to S.T.O.P.

Not easy, I know.  Trust me when I say I know.

In a world where information, opinions, and pictures can be shared in less than a second,
we NEED to STOP building ourselves up by putting others down or putting ourselves down by building others up.




How can we stop?

Pray for more understanding, compassion, guidance and love.

Read your bible.

Practice.

Make a list of priorities and stick with them.

Allow yourself to make mistakes.

Allow others to make mistakes.

Never stop learning.

Ask for help, accept help, and help others.



You are doing the best you can.

They are doing the best they can.



Let us be a people that models kindness, empathy and grace.

Not By My Own Strength

Once upon a time there was a little girl who dreamed of how perfect her life would be when she grew up.  She would get married and be the best wife her husband could possibly have.  They would have oodles of children and she would be patient, loving and kind to her children.  Their home would always be clean and organized and she would always have fresh baked goodies available to visitors who would stop by... to visit her spotless home and her well behaved children.


Fairy tale meet reality.



Life is messy.

My house is messy.

I can't keep fresh baked goods around because I will eat them.

Getting enough sleep doesn't happen very often.

Loved ones die.

Children have minds of their own and they make mistakes... often.

My marriage is made up of two imperfect people.

I often feel that I am not talented, funny, organized, smart, pretty, kind, patient, or wise enough.

Then, in those quiet moments (when I am not so tired) I feel at peace with where I am in life.


Far from done but farther than I ever was before.



Not by my own strength.


And I am thankful.

I started this blog over a year ago to document my life journey and maybe, just maybe, inspire someone along the way.



Here are just a few highlights from my life since I last posted...

We bought a house and moved.  (LOVE IT!!!)

My mother-in-law passed away.

We added a four legged family member to our home.

I gave my notice at my job and am officially a stay-at-home mom.

My husband and I celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary.

My oldest son turned eight.

I competed in a local singing contest and made it to the third round.

My husband and our oldest son got baptized.

Letting Go Of Perfection. Pursuing my mission to be a submissive wife.

 "Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as it is fitting in the Lord."
Colossians 3:18

Wow.  I just used the S word.  Submit.

It's scary to turn over the authority to my husband.  We spent the first nine years of marriage living our own lives.  There wasn't a lot of communication, discussion, or feedback.  As he struggled with depression, I made most of the decisions.

Things made a dramatic turn for the better just over three years ago.  Although I'm not sure what the exact trigger was, I know I can give God the credit for taking us to that point and the progress we have both made since.


I want a great marriage.

 I want it for our children.  I want it for my husband.  I want it for myself.

Most of all, I know God wants it.  

So, how do I get a great marriage?

Here are some things I tried in the first nine years of marriage.

1. Make a list of all the things we need to do to make our marriage stronger.  Provide my husband with a laminated copy.
2. Drag my unwilling husband to a marriage retreat.  Have a miserable time and then be grumpy about it.
3. Talk to anyone who will listen about how awful things are.  Ask for their advice.
4. Read every single marriage book out there and "suggest" that my husband read them as well.
5. Talk until I am blue in the face in the hopes that he will finally understand what I am saying.

Needless to say, these things did not improve our situation.  In fact, I'm positive they made things worse.

In order to journey towards a great marriage, I have to allow God to change me.

I pray for my husband as a man of God, as a husband and as a father.

I pray that I will be the wife that God wants me to be.  The wife my husband most needs.

I try to soften my spirit when it comes to our relationship.

I try to speak lovingly and respectfully about him at all times.

I try to speak respectfully to him and apologize when I realize I haven't.

I look for ways to serve him.

I attempt to be submissive.

I do not allow our children to speak ill of their father.

I watch my own words around my children when I am upset about something.

I seek forgiveness for my mistakes.

I ask for my husband's advice on things that I would normally not even think twice about.

I let my husband make some pretty big decisions.



I demand perfection from myself and it's hard to give myself grace as I stumble and fall.   As I challenge myself to be the woman, wife and mother that God wants me to be, I am learning to let go of this crazy notion that I can do it perfect.

I just need to let go, enjoy the journey and leave the rest to God.

March Goals- March 2, 2014

Last months goals...

FEBRUARY 2014 GOALS

My prayer for the month of February...

God, help me to walk close to You, hear Your direction and be confident in You.

A LOVING FAMILY

Get up with husband on the days he works.

Date night with husband.

Have tea time with the boys.

A PEACEFUL HOME

Organize Bedroom and Laundry Room

Plan for spring garden.

A HEALTHIER PERSON

No eating after 7:00 p.m. and no fried foods.

Made it most of the month.

Read Psalms

Psalms 63-72

Pray for clarity in my choices and confidence in God's direction.

Pray for peace that I am where God wants me to be.

Memorize 1 Corinthians 10:23

ON TRACK WITH FINANCES

Track personal spending and any income I bring in.

Develop a pros and cons list regarding returning to work.

GIVING OF OURSELVES

Make muffins with the boys and take it to an elderly neighbor.

Invite a family to join us for a meal.


This month's goals...

MARCH 2014 Goals

We closed on our house this last week!  After 11 months of wondering what was going to happen and trying to put our trust in God's timing and grace, we now own a home.

My prayer for the month of March--
God, please help me to put love into each day, may they be filled with Your purpose and joy.





A Loving Family
This may be the hardest goal for me- Keep calm as we move.
(The world will not end if it doesn't get done when I think it needs to be done.)

A Peaceful Home
Organize, pack and move.
Clean new house.
Clean old house.
Paint 5 rooms in new house.

A Healthier Person
Limit extra sweets to 2x per week.
(My tablespoon of coffee creamer in the morning is NOT included in this.)
Try to start walking 30 min. 3x per week.
(Hard to do when the weather still gets below 0.  I'm a wimp when it comes to coldness.)
Continue Reading Psalms.

On Track with Finances
Work on building an emergency account.  AKA, don't spend everything we make.
Develop a budget for purchases for the new home.
Stay within budget.
Search for deals on things we need/want to buy.

Giving of Ourselves
Make and give thank you muffins to mortgage broker and realtor.
Take muffins to neighbor.

2014 Goals...

 http://seekhispurpose.blogspot.com/2013/12/2014-goals.html

February Marriage Goal, Day 22

From Friday- the last day of the February Marriage Goal.