Steps

It was only his third basketball practice.  

It was only my third time taking someone to basketball practice.  

It was a forgetful moment that could damage or strengthen our relationship.

We finished the twenty minute drive to practice when he realized he didn't have his basketball shoes.

"But, I asked you if you had them.  You said you did."

A frantic search in the minivan confirmed that the shoes were not there.

I took a deep breath as the words formed inside my mind.  The lecture I could give my nine year old son on being responsible, how much time and money we were using up to support his desire to play, why this could never, ever happen again.  I exhaled and decided that I would focus on our relationship and work with him to learn responsibility.

I would choose to not behave like a superior.  Dictating, lecturing, shaming, and guilting.

I would be his mentor.  Guiding, explaining, giving him tools, and creating habits that empower him.

Not above him.

With him.

He had to tell his coach and find out what he should do.  He took two steps toward him and turned around to look at me.  His face was pale.  "I can't tell him."

"You can tell him.  You just made a mistake and we don't know if you should stay, or go home, or what."

So, he did. He walked over and told his coach, who was kind enough to tell him to stay.  They would figure out how to let him get some practice in.

My son took steps that day that were more than just the movement of his feet.  They were the movements of him growing up to be a brave and responsible man.

Living hands free helped crystallize that moment in time.

A beautiful gift.

"Maybe second chances are not given to us but instead are something we offer to ourselves by using new words and actions.  And maybe the undesirable traits that were passed on to us and passed on to our children don't have to stick like permanent tattoos.  Maybe they can be birthmarks instead- beautiful reminders that we don't have to live perfectly, but rather with small, positive steps and daily doses of God's grace."

Page 92 of "Hands Free Life" by 

Rachel Macy Stafford